Lessons in mother-daughter relationship by the Addams Family
Morticia and Wednesday Addams define some ground rules
“Nevermore is the perfect school for you,” Morticia Addams
“Why, because you went there? I have no intentions of following in your footsteps.” Wednesday Addams
I rewatched Tim Burton’s ‘Wednesday’, having binge watched it the week it released. The show as its name goes is about Wednesday Addams - the older child of Morticia and Gomez Addams. Wednesday’s not just someone who has a darker view of life, enjoys ideas of torture, but is also a teenager going through adolescence. Her relationship with her mother is what sets the stage for everything’s that to come to Nevermore, and the show offers a few lessons of an evolving mother-daughter relationship. (Spoiler alert)
I used to watch Addams Family on CartoonNetwork (90s kids will understand what I’m saying). Each 20 minute something episode was about the family having a new situation to deal with but not without humour, eccentricity, excitement and above all a difference.
Every member of the Addams Family had an innate sense of acceptance for each other’s idiosyncrasies, and it was most visible between the parents and their children. When Pugsley wanted to blow the house up, Gomez would be disappointed because his son did not have the most powerful dynamite. When Wednesday had a new plan to chop her brother’s head off, the parents were joyous attendees to the guillotine.
To any adult watching such acts on children’s screen might scream murder, but something about them was so endearing that you couldn’t not watch them. I now realise for me, it was simply the degree of acceptance and love that the parents showed to their kids, for being, kids. They were not expected to behave like other kids, were not compared to them or made to feel different. On occasions when the ‘normal’ people tried to sabotage the Addams kids’ activities, the parents gracefully helped derail those plans but also forgive instantly.
In Burton’s show, this kind of acceptance is most visible in Morticia for her rebellious, morbid-natured daughter.
Morticia adores Wednesday and despite their strikingly different dispositions, understands that being a loving mother involves letting your child find their path.
Forced to change schools and worst of all made to attend the one her parents did, is extremely upsetting to Wednesday, a typical GenZ kid who refuses to be burdened by their expectations.
Wednesday’s spiteful towards Morticia, and the mother understands this as part of raising her teenage daughter. One sees glimpses of unconditional love that she has for her but refuses to acknowledge them knowing that Wednesday does not like public display of emotions around her.
When Wednesday finds out that Thing has been sent to keep an eye on her, she not only ensures that it becomes her partner-in-crime but also confronts her parents for undermining her capacity as an individual. They both swiftly understand and acknowledge that they crossed a line.
Morticia shows how to accept children as independent beings with minds of their own.
Time and again, Wednesday goes back to her mother’s days at the school, feeling like she is constantly walking in her shadow. She finds it ignominious and promises to wade into deeper waters to find her own path. Morticia who has always understood that, reminds her, “Wednesday, you’re such a brilliant child, but sometimes you can get in your way.”
Morticia’s wisdom offers Wednesday a sense of grounding and belonging, despite their circumstances. The mother is quick to forgive. The daughter is quick to praise. They remind each other the joy of owning oneself, even if it comes with mistakes and flaws.
Philosopher Alain de Botton in his conversation with Krista Tippett has said, “…the acceptance of ourselves as flawed creatures seems to me what love really is.”
Morticia at one point apologises to Wednesday, “I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel comfortable in sharing this with me.”
This is a drastic shifting point, which establishes the rebuilding of their relationship. I felt seen and heard as a teenager when Morticia spoke these words, making me wonder, how quickly and easily a lot of emotional baggage can be released if only parents see themselves as flawed beings and not super humans. Our society makes it very challenging for parents to live in the comfort of making mistakes, the privilege of being humans, and the greatness in being humble.
Reminds me of these beautiful and poignant words by Khalil Gibran:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
If you’ve watched Wednesday, do let me know your thoughts and how the show appealed to you? 🌻
Mariyam Haider is a researcher-writer and spoken word artist based in Singapore, producing work across themes of feminism and social justice. Her writings and research have been published in Midnight’s Borders by Suchitra Vijayan, Tata Institute of Cancer Research, Scroll, Asian Review of Books, Centre for Feminist Foreign Policy, Livemint, among others.
Mariyam produces and hosts ‘Main Bhi Muslim’ podcast, which offers a space to people from the Indian Muslim community to share their experiences.
She is the researcher of former FT journalist James Crabtree’s ‘Billionaire Raj’ (2018), and science journalist Angela Saini’s upcoming book ‘The Patriarchs’ (2023).