To demonstrate to ourselves and grieve collectively
Recognising the work of gathering for the self and the world
āI read your piece earlier and it made me wonder if there was an expectation from everyone to demonstrate for Palestine?ā, a friend asked me a few weeks ago. She was referring to one of my essays, where I explored what asking someone āhow are you?ā means in present times. While my essay was a call to enquiry towards one another, her question made me ponder about the immediacy of such times. In response, I asked her: āHave you been able to demonstrate to yourself?ā
The word ādemonstrateā is derived from Latin terms meaning ā to point out or exhibit. Witnessing moves us to act and project ourselves more in alignment with the world we want to be part of. We make calls for peace, justice, reparations, equality and freedoms, because these are the foundations that we envision ourselves and our futures to thrive in.
In the past months, the word ādemonstrateā has opened many meanings for me, and the most primal one is witnessing myself. The unbelievable amount of trauma, loss and pain that the Gazans have undergone; the unhinged levels of apathy and racism displayed by Western powers; and the disgraceful biased reportage by media outlets like The New York Times and The Guardian, has inevitably made me realise how broken this world is. And this knowledge has brought its own truths and realisations. The meaning of demonstration then emerges through these questions:
As we have woken up everyday to this violence, have we been able to demonstrate to ourselves how and what we feel? Do we allocate time to cry and emotionally regulate? How do we hold steady when the world is so lopsided? And how do we muster the strength to do our bit?
To demonstrate to oneself is a service to our bodies as they get swept by waves of emotions everyday. Whether it is by crying, sitting in quiet meditations with those around us, making a meal and having it with friends - all of these practices have helped me demonstrate what it means to hold the brokenness of this world. This essay is perhaps an act of demonstrating to the self too.
Hungarian Canadian physician and author, Dr Gabor MatĆ© underlined this premise in one of his recent conversations, āFirst of all, get in relationship with yourself. Look at the state of your body. Are you tense?ā¦Is there tension inside you? Well then notice, be with it, and attend to it, but donāt act from it. Attend to yourself sufficiently so that when thereās a sense of peace inside, because when thereās peace inside you, you feel your interconnection with everybody else.ā
The last two months have taught me how important it is to have a community that shares similar values and at the same time can become a site of shared grief. To mourn this tragedy, the loss of human lives, experience the fear and anxiety that these events lead to in our hearts and tend to our āshattered heartā as Arundhati Roy calls it. Iāve come to understand how vital the act of collective grief is to our society. It offers everyone a way to release the heavy emotions they carry, it helps us be witness to each otherās pain and offer a shoulder to rest on.
Weāve witnessed the horrors in Palestine in front of us through our phones and social media accounts, but we must find spaces where we can grieve together, where we acknowledge how this affects us. Writer, creative and therapist, Lisa Olivera in her recent newsletter wrote, āBeing part of a social movement was one of my first lessons in knowing I could undo the power of isolation felt in depression by putting myself in the way of something bigger than me. Doing something for a cause outside of myself, one I wasnāt necessarily impacted by in the same way others were, helped me move beyond my own suffering by bearing witness to that of those I was told didnāt matter.ā
The rage, the anger, the helplessness is a reminder that we cannot bypass the emotions that arise in the face of this travesty. The fear and anxiety is a call to return to the present moment and ground ourselves in our truths. To demonstrate to ourselves will help us demonstrate to those around us, how we carry the heaviness and how they do. To be sensitised to this grief is to keep the flame of life alive within us.
This collective act of mourning is a demonstration to our bodies and spirits so we can be witnesses to ourselves too. Collective grief is then a call to rebuild connections with loved ones that hold us and demand their time and care, so we can strengthen our commitment towards solidarity.
During the pandemic years, my parents and relatives organised online majlis (gatherings) to commemorate Muharramās important dates. The concept of majlis is a rather simple act of people coming together to mourn the events of Karbala. We read the nohey, performed lamentations and came together to ritually grieve Iman Hussainās shahaadat. We need to find similar ways to perform communal acts of grief and release of the heavy emotions that emerge as we bear witness.
How else do we hold ourselves, engage with those around us, listen to our bodies and keep the solidarity work going? As the Palestinians have said this many times over, as allies we cannot lose hope. While we tune in to stay on top of updates, tuning out, returning to our bodies and recognise what they are demonstrating to us, is also needed. Tending to a grieving heart and spirit and return to doing our work as allies might perhaps be one of the ways we can walk towards collective healing and freedoms.
And always, Free Palestine. Keep calling for a permanent ceasefire. Do your bit. Do not be a bystander.
Mariyam Haider is an independent writer-researcher, producer & host of Main Bhi Muslim podcast, and spoken word artist creating works on feminism, culture and society. Her writing has appeared in Scroll, Kontinentalist, Asian Review of Books, Centre for Feminist Foreign Policy, AWARE, Livemint, Mekong Review, among others. You can follow Mariyamās other work on Instagram or LinkedIn.
Her latest podcast episode is out on mainbhimuslim.com. You can listen to it through the link here:
References:
Collective & Individual Trauma in Palestine/Israel with Dr. Gabor MatƩ (Science and Nonduality YouTube, 4 Nov, 2023)
Woven Together (Human Stuff from Lisa Olivera, Substack, 26 Nov, 2023)