To thread or not in your 30s?
Notes and conversations with women choosing or letting go of this practice
Hello, I’m Mariyam, and welcome to my newsletter. My writings here are inspired by the world and the way it behaves with a woman, in public, private or official settings. By documenting my experiences, I intend to create more conversations and mindset-shifts that can enable our society to turn more equal, just and simply more joyous for all of us to thrive. Do subscribe to receive my latest labour of love and consider supporting it. ♥️
Facial hair removal and most precisely threading practices are common across Asian societies. The Persian term ‘Bande Abru’ (‘thread’ ‘eyebrow’) is considered to be the origins of the word threading, and has travelled far and wide across Indian Subcontinent, parts of Southeast Asia, Taiwan among others. Simply put, threading is a non-invasive technique to remove facial hair.
I was first put under the thread at the age of 17 by my aunt who simply asked the beauty technician visiting her to run it over my eyebrows and upper lips too. I remember enjoying the process until the she began using the thread to shape my eyebrows and the pain pierced through in ways I didn’t know it could. My eyes began to water and I had to ask the woman a couple of times to stop. But having once gone through the practice, the fresh clean skin made me appear different. From then to now, I have gone through several bad eyebrow styles, and mostly given up on the routine. However, the upper lips threading practice continues.
Gender non-conforming writer and performance artist, Alok Vaid-Menon, writes and speaks regularly about accepting and honouring one’s body hair. They have written on how body hair was associated with racism, and came to be inhabited as a key feature to define racist beauty standards in 19th century United States.1 Vaid-Menon sometimes carries a clean stubble and their portraits depict a glorious display of body hair, showcasing ease and comfort that the artist has with their body.
I spoke to a New Delhi-based public affairs advisor (and dear friend), Srirupa Bhowmik, who gave up facial threading nearly two years ago. She attributes this decision to reassessing what skincare really means to her in her 30s and putting together pieces to the skincare puzzle that exclusively work for her. Srirupa believes that most women’s relationship with beauty standards are uniquely influenced by the women around them, and I wonder if that made her question the decision to go back to this practice? “I did get the urge to may be use a tweezer or even a face razor to just clean a few strands. But eventually lost the interest,” she said.
“I never enjoyed salons. Salon experiences have never been relaxing for me; it always felt like a task. So, the decision to move away from face treatments, eyebrow shaping etc., was organic. And I don’t regret an ounce.” ~ Srirupa Bhowmik
Christie Maria James, another friend and India-based NGO professional, decided to switch to upper lips hair removal, at the age of 28. Until then, she had never followed any facial hair removal practices. A Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) diagnosis, which led to an increase in facial hair growth, made Christie reassess her decision. She felt uncomfortable with this new hair growth on her face, and wanted to do something about it.
While she partially attributes that feeling of discomfort to social media pressures, she took nearly two years in making up her mind to do so. During one of the pandemic lockdowns, Christie used a facial trimmer to clean her upper lips and chin. Since then, she has continued to follow this routine and enjoys how it makes her feel about herself. She does not follow any other facial hair removal routines and does not intend to either.
“Everyone should be able to do what they please with their body hair, but regarding those of us who don’t remove it as “unhygienic” is cultural racism. indeed, much of what has come to constitute “women’s beauty” & “women’s health” is actually about distancing from racial difference / gender non-conformity.” ~ Alok Vaid-Menon
When it comes to pain management, girls are very early trained in seeing these facial threading experiences as ways to look beautiful, and accepting pain as part of the bargain. Unlike period cramps, where we often cannot control the origin of pain, having practices in our lives where we invite pain makes me question this routine. For at least 45 minutes after every upper lips threading session, my skin flares up, screams for ice and reminds me of the pain I put it through.
There are friends who advice me to take on pain-free facial epilators, but the point really comes down to what makes me continue with it. Whether or not one wants to do facial hair removal needs to be a choice made rather than simply a routine to be followed and managed. This kind of thinking can be passed on to teenagers who are on the cusp of starting these practices, or sometimes heavily influenced by social media.
Public thinkers like Alok Vaid-Menon allow us to think again and perceive beauty in our own manner. Oldster Magazine by Sari Botton is an incredible space to read about how people of all genders and ages are experiencing getting older, physically, emotionally and psychologically.
There is no single definition of beauty standard, especially when our bodies continue to change, in some form, shape or other. What if we pause and think what kind of practices we want to continue having in our lives, adapt some and leave out others?
Mariyam Haider publishes poetry, non-fiction and personal essays on feminism, culture and society. Her writing has appeared in Scroll, Asian Review of Books, Centre for Feminist Foreign Policy, Livemint, Mekong Review, among others. You can follow her work on Instagram or LinkedIn.
https://www.alokvmenon.com/blog/2019/7/5/race-policing-body-hair
Suggested readings for further references:
Alok Vaid-Menon: ‘I was too much, too feminine, too hairy, too brown. I have been cruel to myself’ - Interview of Alok Vaid-Menon in The Guardian
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